03-11-2009, 10:53 PM
A friend sent me this parody of the News Sun article that he wrote this morning.
Provacative pastor seeks Sainthood
Rev. Gary Graf leads own cause
March 11, 2009
By BAT MASTERSON
WAUKEGAN -- If there is no greater sign of love than giving one's life for another, sacrificing a piece of liver must come close. It is not surprising, then, that one Waukegan priest might apply for sainthood. "Why not?" asked Father Gary Graf, "It's not like Padre Pio gave up a piece of his liver, and they declared him a saint! Stigmatas are nothing compared to a chunk of liver." Although Graf's efforts have raised some eyebrows among critics, and Papal Nuncio Antonio Sabato Jr. laughed out loud when he learned of Graf's application, Graf remains determined.
"With the end times near, I have requested expedited approval," said Graf. "I know that this is unusual and contrary to normal Christian humility, but there is a great need for livers out there -- particularly in the illegal immigrant community -- and my only prayer is that my selfless giving will inspire others to give as well. If not a piece of liver, then perhaps an eyeball, a kidney, even a toe. I'd like to see my own face on holy cards and organ donor cards across this country and in Mexico."
The road to sainthood in the Roman Catholic Church, is however, a long one. The first recognition of potential sainthood comes when the Church applies the title "Venerable" to a deceased candidate. With the accumulation of miracles ascribed to the soul, the individual may then be declared "Blessed" and even "Saint," provided no sexual improprieties come to light.
"Giving my liver," said Graf, "is a good start. I feel as though in some really small way, my action mimicked the sacrifice of our Lord on the cross, and that I am mystically tied to the Eucharist, the actual body of Christ -- which of course included his liver. I am humbled by the holiness that God has given to me."
Many speculate that the canonization of Graf would have the added effect of being an economic boon to Waukegan, resulting in an unheard of increase in tourism and the development of resorts and theme parks as thousands of campesinos trudge north. Let us pray.
Provacative pastor seeks Sainthood
Rev. Gary Graf leads own cause
March 11, 2009
By BAT MASTERSON
WAUKEGAN -- If there is no greater sign of love than giving one's life for another, sacrificing a piece of liver must come close. It is not surprising, then, that one Waukegan priest might apply for sainthood. "Why not?" asked Father Gary Graf, "It's not like Padre Pio gave up a piece of his liver, and they declared him a saint! Stigmatas are nothing compared to a chunk of liver." Although Graf's efforts have raised some eyebrows among critics, and Papal Nuncio Antonio Sabato Jr. laughed out loud when he learned of Graf's application, Graf remains determined.
"With the end times near, I have requested expedited approval," said Graf. "I know that this is unusual and contrary to normal Christian humility, but there is a great need for livers out there -- particularly in the illegal immigrant community -- and my only prayer is that my selfless giving will inspire others to give as well. If not a piece of liver, then perhaps an eyeball, a kidney, even a toe. I'd like to see my own face on holy cards and organ donor cards across this country and in Mexico."
The road to sainthood in the Roman Catholic Church, is however, a long one. The first recognition of potential sainthood comes when the Church applies the title "Venerable" to a deceased candidate. With the accumulation of miracles ascribed to the soul, the individual may then be declared "Blessed" and even "Saint," provided no sexual improprieties come to light.
"Giving my liver," said Graf, "is a good start. I feel as though in some really small way, my action mimicked the sacrifice of our Lord on the cross, and that I am mystically tied to the Eucharist, the actual body of Christ -- which of course included his liver. I am humbled by the holiness that God has given to me."
Many speculate that the canonization of Graf would have the added effect of being an economic boon to Waukegan, resulting in an unheard of increase in tourism and the development of resorts and theme parks as thousands of campesinos trudge north. Let us pray.